You Can Be An Indian, Or You Can Be A Pony,...

Scientology cultist, Julliette Lewis, is said to sound "like a level-headed good sport" - which was a surprise to the interviewer - as she thought aloud, Oh my God, cults can be so diffi-cult to understand, but then they're not, because anyone can become a cultist, and all you've got to do is try to become a cultist - and you really, really should try to become a cultist - and then cultism becomes so simple you might even freak people out if you seem even close to normal babbling this nonsense:

I think there's so much confusion because people don't understand a religion where you can be another religion but you can still practice Scientology. That's why it's completely progressive. It's just tools for living. It's about understanding one's self and others and compassion and how to communicate better and how to live in this troubled society. It's really basic, common sense stuff. It has nothing to do with all this funny folklore that surrounds it. You could be a Jewish Scientologist or a Buddhist Scientologist or a Christian Scientologist or anything else.

Got all that? Cultism gives you "tools for living" and "basic, common sense stuff" because, um, you're not alive yet - just like you're not breathing until you join a yoga or meditation cult. We swear, people fall for this line! - and um, until you join a cult, you're also not using common sense (Excuse us? Isn't common sense what keeps people OUT of cults? We're so confused,...)

Well, at least she admitted it's "progressive", so, as a conservative atheist, we can be relieved to know three things for sure:

A) We'll never sleep with Julliette Lewis.

B) We'll never vote with Julliette Lewis.

C) We'll never join with Julliette Lewis' stupid, lying, goofily exploitative murderous alien science fiction cult.

We call that fucking Double-Plus-Good all around! High Five! *Smack*